其实，是一种根深蒂固的反抗。这种反抗源自于更深的怨恨，在这怨恨的背后，是一种深刻的伤——精神，灵魂，不可亵渎的尊严的伤害。这是一种想要让其自残戕害自己的伤，是的，正是自暴自弃。

于是，将一切都看作折磨的对象——既然无法更刻毒地残害自己，就让有关自己的他物成为替代品！这就是呼吸的力量！

每一个毛孔都蕴含着即将爆炸的因子。它们之间也在激烈地斗争。这种持续的压抑只不过掩盖在平静的外表之下，正急盼着冲击这一切包围，并腐蚀着那暴殄的敌人们。

Jan. 2005

When I finally realized that's not what I want, I know I got the pain, yup, I'm hurt!

Honey, do you find it funny? Do you like the game? I don't want to be hurt any more.

I could never get used to that way of life! That view of life! No! Never!

Why can't I get care, I don't want love, no stimulation, but care, do you know what care is? It is responsibility.

I admit I never believe in love between men & women.

The only one I could put in my heart, maybe I'll never see him any more.

Mood? Funny? Someone can pay no attention to that. No love.

Even today, I'm not sure if I'm afraid of being lonely.

Walk alone, how's that? It's just a kind of attitude toward life. That's enough.

He deprived me of  my possible  great happiness.

I'm an idiot!

He always abuses me each day--I, don't, like, that!

You are not qualified--you are drowning, very very deeply.

Together with you, I became anxious. Do you know? You want me to go mad!

Dec. 2004